How to Communicate with a Narcissistic Partner or Ex when Co/Parallel Parenting

As difficult as it is to believe;

 

• No contact is not an option for some

• Leaving a relationship with a narcissist is not an option

• Post separation abuse is a REAL thing

• Communicating with a narcissist with regard to children is a merely impossible dream!

 

How do you survive in this narcissistic circus and make sure that children’s needs are met?

 

Areas where you still need to communicate when you share children with a narcissist are;

 

• Choices regarding children’s schools

• Medical decisions

• Establish boundaries for children

• Teach children good values

• Supporting children in their educational needs

• Supporting children through their difficult times

• How to manage children’s additional needs if they have any (ADHD, Autism etc)

• Financial choices

• Holidays/ playdates / important dates such as Birthdays or Christmas etc.

 

The list is endless. 

 

But, you know the drill. 

 

You say something in the best possible way with the best intentions

 

AND

 

The narcissist uses every single word you said AGAINST you.

 

You explain your position

 

AND

 

The narcissist turns your words around, twists your position, and uses your explanations as a weapon against you.

 

You will establish boundaries 

 

AND

 

They will push your boundaries until you feel exhausted and eventually give in

 

Amongst all of these,

 

You receive abusive emails and texts that are longer than a trilogy with a twisted word salad. 

 

You are left feeling all sorts of complex emotions and don’t know how to respond or what to do next?

 

What is your solution to this scenario?

 

I will tell you exactly what you can do.

 

• Don’t explain yourself

• Give ONLY essential information i.e. date, time, what needs to happen

• Don’t personalise 

• Don’t respond immediately

 

Here’s where I believe many of us struggle.

 

We know our DOs and DONTs. 

 

Yet, we struggle EMOTIONALLY and end up doing things that we are not supposed to do. Our nervous system is in a constant fight, flight, freeze or fawn response and we revert to our old survival habits when we respond in situations like this. 

 

Why?

 

Because, we are humans and feelings and emotions are at the core of everything we do.

 

Having worked with many who co-parent with a narcissistic partner or ex partner, I know this is where people need help with. 

 

My clients have expressed that 

 

• They needed to know how to read those emails and filter out the points to respond to

• They needed to know what to say exactly without giving the narcissist an opportunity to twist their own words

• They needed to know how to process complex emotions such as grief, anger, disappointment etc. 

 

It is unfair that you are having to deal with all of the above, when all you need is a simple ‘Yes’ or a ‘No’.

 

However, you are unable to change the person you are dealing with.

 

So, you can use this opportunity to learn the essential skills that will not only enable you to deal with the narcissist confidently preserving your sanity but also spot narcissists in the future and save yourself from a lifetime of pain. 

 

If you believe this is something that you can help with, Download your Workshop for FREE.