s parents/guardians of our children we strive to provide what we perceive as the 'best' for our children. We tend to get lost in the 'business' of being a parent such as providing nutritionally balanced meal, putting them to bed, providing a roof over the head, keeping our children safe and sending them to school etc. Our chores sometimes makes us forget the simple things we can do to connect with our children.
1) Tell them the emotions they experience are o.k
When your children whether they are teenagers or young toddlers experience emotions such as sadness, anger, frustration or any other, tell them it's o.k to experience them. Through your calm non reactive manner, show that their emotions are o.k
2 ) Be present with them instead of trying to fix their behaviour
This is not going to promote their negative behaviour. Instead, it will give them enough time to regulate. Once their mind is regulated, we can discuss of ways to move forward. Our cookie cutter ways of fixing children's behaviour will make them feel like we are policing them. Just sit with them and be present. You can say things like 'I know you are angry, I am here whenever you need me'. This is a connected presence. So, your calmness in your language, tone of voice and body language is important.
3) Tell them you love them when they are sitting, relaxing, playing or walking past you in the corridor.
We have been nurturing habits of praising our children when they achieve things or do something that's important. This sends subliminal messages to them that they have to 'be someone' or 'do things' in order to earn our love. However, if we constantly tell them we love them when they are just being, we send them the message that we value them no matter what. This is a better way of communicating our intentions.
4) Have fun with them
Be absolutely bonkers with them and they will never ever lose the respect they have for you. We don't have to carry the demeanour of an emperor with them. Be comfortable in our feminine energy and slide right into our inner child. These are magical moments. I jump into puddles with my daughter sometimes, I get all messy with painting and do really rubbish painting. I cook without a recipe and let her lead and we do things that we spit out and then giggle about. It's all so much fun!
5) Hugs and kisses
Even if they are teenagers, their happy hormones are produced through hugs and kisses. Give plenty of these to your children. Sit next to them and watch the sunset together. Hold hands and get wet in the rain. These are not just romantic ideas. Go under a blanket and share a cheeky treat with your child. Build things together with them and have hugs and kisses in between. Treasure these moments because they don't last that long.
Nisanka
(Coach/EFT/Matrix/NLP/DISC/MA)
(Helping parents connect deeply with their children)
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